wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
