I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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