i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
