you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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