you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
