oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Shame - the story of my life.
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