I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
