If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
