I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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