i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
this is an emotional support booty call
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
