Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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