Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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