I think my vagina is haunted
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
