There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
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I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
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He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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