Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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