P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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