every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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