I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
