omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Is it penis luge time yet?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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