pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
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For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
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Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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