Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
We need a shit load of segways right now
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
