I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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