Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
