Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
