I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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