The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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