I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Randomize
