We won't sleep together?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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