Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
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