and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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