yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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