The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
