dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
