when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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