she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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