i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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