I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize