I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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