he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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