Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
