Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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