I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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