I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
