I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
