if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
