if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
