so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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