remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Don't make out with my wife yet
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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