I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
