Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
