So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
