The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
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