she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You are the jesus of drinking
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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