My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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