Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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