If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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