I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
