Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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