For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
