My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
