i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
