i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
