I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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